Breathe
by xThe Dark Ravenx
Summary: After Roxas's suicide all Axel is left is a few bottles of whiskey, a mustang, and a road to destruction. The only hope is that things get better, but life doesn't always have happy endings. T for suicide and some swearing, although it may change later on. Dark fic. some pairings. (A little inspiration from reading something by SecretsOfGray)
1. Chapter One: Breath

I own nothing.

I am sorry if there is any ooc-ness or a little tweaking, but I had to make things fit. Also, this is a fanfic that I wrote late and I am not too sure on the rating but for now it is T.

Axel, Roxas, and any other characters are owned by rightful owners.

I update once every few weeks, sometimes once a month.

Song Lyrics are too the band.

Better Summary: After Roxas commits suicide, Axel is a lost nobody, just another lost cause waiting to be found. With nothing left but a few bottles of whiskey, a mustang and a road to self destruction, will Axel fall into his misery and parish? Or will unfolding events save his life?

**Memories are in bold**

_Thoughts are in Italics _

'_There is no point anymore... Not here, not without him, my friend…_' Axel's emerald green eyes looked into the review mirror, and boy did he look like hell, if the bags under his eyes were any deeper, maybe he would start looking like a raccoon. '_When he said he was leaving to start something new, I didn't know he meant… the after life…'_ Revving the engine on his dark colored mustang, Axel was already intoxicated, he was only 'buzzed' as he told Kairi, but she didn't believe him, she never did when it came to the bottle. Taking a swig from the open bottle, he pulled out of the drive way with a slam on the gas. The vehicle screeched to a stop as it hit some bend over mail box making the red head stop short and pull forward turning the car at a sharp angle only to make off in a speedy get away down the road.

'_My friend… the only one that pulled me from my darkness…'_ Axel's mind over crowded with memories, thoughts and over all the cloudiness of the whiskey that seemed to haunt him. Looking out of the window speeding, the people gave him glares and cars he went around beeped madly. He looked out taking a big gulp from the Whiskey.

It always started with the whiskey.

Roxas was so innocent sometimes that he either ignored Axel's problem, or he just plain didn't know, which was possible since Axel was so sneaky about it by always changing the subject or starting something. Xion and Roxas had to stop many fights, but Axel never wanted to loose, never had he wanted to be labeled for not fighting. Axel didn't want to be 'The Nobody.'

The mustang ran effortlessly by Axel's command, the music pounding loud making the speakers rattle with the loud guitar solo's and drums from this screamo music. Axel didn't even like scremo but it didn't matter with the smell of the bottle taking over the car. His eyes retreated to his own sick reflection, the spiked tangled mess of fire, the old black long sleeve that needed to be washed along with his coat, he couldn't save himself from himself. _'why did it have to be Roxas?'_ he asked himself closing his eyes and sipping from the other bottle, only to open his eyes again to swerve avoiding an accident. "Whoo! THAT'S what I am talking about!" He yelled but it was drowned in the pulsing stereo. Axel couldn't save himself, but he had only wished he had saved Roxas from the cool barrel of that gun. Even that kid had his darkness, to the world even Roxas was a nobody even if Sora, his twin brother, was a somebody, Sora always stole the light and it was unfair.

"Axel…." Roxas's voice was so clear, so strong in Axel's memory that it made his chest tight, the other day someone called him 'heartless,' and it was Roxas that made Axel feel like he had a heart. Roxas made Axel at least feel like he had a heart even when he shut down, feeling nothing.

Blinking hard Axel shook his head throwing a bottle out the window, shattering in the street like everything in his life. His eyes drooped as he looked out to the brilliant day, the shining sun and blue sky that was cloudless made the thought that something like this could be impossible, but even nature has a way of coating the world in a fake image of happiness. The world had a false sense of security, maybe that's why people were so naïve. Without looking back the wild red head looked to the other two bottles with him as the song 'Breath' by Breaking Benjamin played on the radio which was oddly almost fitting in the situation. Axel yelled out with the chorus:

"You take the breath right out of me!  
You left a hole where my heart should be!  
You got to fight just to make it through,  
'cause I will be the death of you!"

He yelled 'You' with all he had looking at the speed he was going. He was going pretty fast, but not fast enough.

Not yet.

"Axel!" Roxas's yell came back to his mind tearing through his fuzziness of the whiskey making his heart and stomach wrench. The holes that formed in him filled with toxic despair and before he could even stop he felt a beads start in his eyes. Axel had not cried in years, not since he abandoned his old name and his old ways. Squeezing the steering wheel until his knuckles were white Axel could feel the car smash into something but keep going, the screech of the metal breaking through his blasting stereo. The car swerved and Axel could feel his blood rushing through his veins, the pulse releasing the alcohol in his stomach release into his body messing with his mind even more than it was.

There was no surprise about this fact, since Axel had been a drunk since the day he saw Roxas's body on the floor with no note, just a simple gun that cracked through the house when Axel walked in the door. It wasn't supposed to be like this, if only Axel was sooner…

**Roxas stood in his room silently staring at the gun in hand, he didn't even know the type, all he knew is it would end this. His cloths were clean just after a shower to see if he could cleans himself of what his life was. The loose but fitting cloths he wore made it easy to hide the weapon from everyone that day. There was no reason to keep in on him, but today was different. Gazing at the floor behind his spiked but shaggy brown hair, a hot salty tear had slipped from his eyelids squeezed shut. '_Why… why Namine, why?' _ So many times before the boy had done this, he always told himself, 'if I need a way out…' but this time was different. This time he would end it all.**

**Down stairs a knock came to the door followed by a "Hey Roxas!" from Axel. Pushing the door open the red head looked around and pushed his sleeves up. "I was wondering if you would want to get some salty sweet Ice-"**

**BANG!**

**The bang made Axel jump and instantly he became worried, "Roxas!" he yelled out leaving the door open and literally jumping up the stairs almost falling over. Looking around the hall his breath was a little heavy as he opened each door, "Roxas?!" Axel said each time until he got to the door that was blue. Slamming it open Axel turned his head so quick he thought he may have slammed his brain into his skull when he stopped wordless.**

"**R-R-"the name wouldn't come out as he looked over to the crimson puddle that laced around his friend and the brain matter that was sprayed. It wasn't like the movies they had gone to see, when the monster crushed a persons brain. Shadows casted in from the setting sun making the room dark along with the shadows on Axel's face; even the blood had different tones to it. Roxas's fingers were spread out wide and then gun was a few feet away from him laying there. Roxas was as lifeless as the gun, and Axel felt his heart stop but it was still beating. It was just a very hallow beat.**

**Very hallow.**

"What the Fuck!" Someone yelled at the mustang that Axel had sped up dramatically. A blue Honda swerved hitting a light post. Axel didn't stop for that, he just laughed feeling a drowsiness come over him as his foot let up on the petal long enough so he could change the song that was playing.

"All because of her…." Axel growled to himself. Lifting his head to drink from another bottle Axel sighed, '_he was the only one I liked… the only one who made me feel like I wasn't some lost cause…'_ Turning the car Axel squinted only having time to hear a loud honk and see something red come at him. The last thing he heard was the sound of twisting metal and his own face smashing into the steering wheel.


	2. Chapter Two: Awakening

Chapter Two: Awakening

In this chapter there is a small part that is like something in secretsofgray that is similar, I just though it was funny and it was something this character probably would do. But it was not entirely my idea.

Credit goes where credit it due.

From the darkness of his mind everything was still.

'_What's going on?'_ Was all Axel could think when he heard the beeping as he clawed out of his unconsciousness in hopes that he was dead.

Axel was wrong.

Dead wrong.

Laying still he could feel the breath enter his body, in and out, in and out until for a second that he held his breath until he had to breathe making him cough. The sheets that covered him were dry against his skin, almost itchy with the stiffness it was as if he was a corpse laying still.

"Axel?" A voice called his name but he couldn't identify who it was, his mind was clouded, almost in a thick fuzziness. "Axel?" the voice called again trying to pull him though.

"… uhhhhh" droned from Axel's lips quietly before anything else had come through. He felt the warm sensation of someone's hand on his, someone's fingers intertwining in his before he fell back into sleep for a moment. Opening his eyes, his gaze went around the room slowly. First to the ceiling tiles, then the light walls, and finally who had spoken to him, "Namine…." He said quietly pulling away from her grasp.

"Axel! How are you?" she asked looking down on him. In her hand she had a flower, a tiger lily that was in need of a vase.

'_Why is she here…'_ Axel's growl wasn't verbal to her, but in his mind it was deep.

Blinking Axel was silent feeling a light ache in his head start to pound in his temples, "W-why are you here?" he asked with an edge, a sharp tone that came out quiet. Across his nose there was something to set his nose and keep it there so when he glared it made him stop. His nose was broken.

"Axel…" Namine said quietly, "I came to see you… to see if you were okay." Her eyes were filled with sadness. She looked so clean and neat like usual, in her yellow and orange sun dress, her hair down with a small hat covering her hair. It was like she was a flower that could easily be burned. Easily be crushed.

Grunting the red head pushed himself up carefully with his good arm, his right one seeing as how he didn't have much feeling in his left and it was in a cast. "What… happened?" he didn't ask Namine the question.

All at once everything came back, the whiskey, the car, but not after he passed that one person who crashed. A deep hurt went through him like electricity through a metal pole that wasn't grounded. Looking down to the blanket that covered him he was quiet feeling his body and assessing himself. Mostely he felt okay besides the dull aches and pains but there was a morphone drip that kept away the blunt end of it. Besides all of this he could only feel one thing;

Numb.

"Axel." Namine said more directly.

"What?!" His voice rose coming back to its fullness. He glared into her eyes as if burning into her. Namine just flinched looking away from his dark stare. "Does it look like Roxas is okay?" he asked wanting to hurt her. Wanting to make her feel the pain deep inside like he did.

Namine was quiet looking at Axel for a moment before turning away. At the door a soft knock sounded.

"Sorry for interrupting, if I am…" The man long blond hair and a black white lab coat on with all black underneath. His features were sharp and a little awkward, and his cheeks were hallow looking when he sucked them in looking at a chart. "My name is Venex, I am your doctor." Looking over the red head he sighed walking up to him. "You sir, are very, very lucky." His gaze narrowed.

"I don't feel that way." Axel spat at Venex who arched a brow and looked over to Namine. Namine was just quiet as she looked at the floor.

"See you later Axel…" her voice was quiet as she backed away and waved leaving the room. Venex looked after her and then at Axel who still glared with his piercing gaze.

"So Axel," Venex began looking over the scribbles on his chart, "You are lucky to be alive, the other driver is too, it's a surprise to us that you both with the speed you were going and the amount of Alcohol you had in your system."

"Hmph." Axel was quiet waiting for Venex to be done with whatever he was getting at, "So? Tell me what I need to know." His mouth was dry and his lips when he spoke. Licking his lips he looked over to a picture of water with some cups. Leaning over carefully he poured the water feeling the bruises and cuts on his body. Taking the water and gulping it down as if he was in the desert lost, Axel noticed his split lip and winced for a moment.

"You have a concussion so we are watching you, and you are stable so you should be able to go home in a few days. As for the crash, the police will be here when you are better, and you know what I mean, after your drossiness has gone away and when you aren't on so much morphine." Venex sighed, "If you ask me, you are stupid, drinking and driving at such speeds. The fact that you only have a broken nose and two black eyes and a concussion for head injury is amazing."

Axel's frowned went deeper, "I am just hard to kill…" he sighed carefully laying back and messing with the controls of the bed until it started to incline.

Vexen looked at him and sighed, "I will be back, just don't get up without anyone assisting you. Is there anything you need?"

"Yeah," Axel shot him a serious look, "get me the hell out of here."

"I am sorry but I can not do that, for now, enjoy the food that comes in." The corners of Vexen's mouth turned up as if he was enjoying this to a degree. Looking at the chart again and walking out a strange air went with him making Axel think he was in trouble to a degree but he couldn't find it in his heart to care. It felt like he had no heart. Sitting in the room alone Axel closed his eyes for a moment and sighed looking down to the IV in his arm.

'_damn it…'_ he thought playing with it trying to get it out. Swinging his legs carefully over the side of the bed he breathed standing, luckily his legs worked, and well. Standing his head swam a little but he quickly got a hold of things as he reached over pulling his sweat pants on and his shoes. Without anyone coming in he didn't have time to find his shirt but it didn't matter. Throwing the hospital gown to the floor he breathed marching to the door and down the hall. His eye was back as if someone had punched him.

"Sir!" A nurse called to him, "you can't get out of bed! Please go sit down!" Axel however didn't listen as he passed doctors and nurses, within seconds he had people following him.

"Axel!" vexen yelled down the hall, "Get back here you moron!"

"Axel?" A formiliar voice called, followed by some foot steps of more then one person. Turning to see them Axel quickly turned back trying to ignore the few people he knew that came to visit him, people he didn't even want to talk to; His work buddies that claimed to know him, Larxene, Marluxia and Luxord.

"Axel! You fool! Get back here before I make you get back over here!" the blond hair girl Larxene with the blue eyes yelled across the floor.

'_Why does she give a damn?'_ Axel asked himself as he headed for the elevators but decided to take the stairs instead, it was an easier escape.

Coming to the stairs of the white walled and too sterile hospital, Axel stopped feeling himself go light headed and growled opening the door and walking in. He stepped down the stairs one foot after another in a quick _pat pat patta pat pat _stepping pattern. He knew that the place wouldn't let him go without a fight. Coming down to the last steps his hand rested on the handle of the door opening it to only by beaten by his own game.

"Hello" a guy said, "you seem to have wandered from your room." Axel closed his eyes putting up a small struggle but he was stopped just like he didn't want to be.

"You are such an idiot." Larxene started back in the room a little while later. Axel had been moved to a private room, but he shook it off not even noticing the bed in the other room.

"Yeah I get it." Axel snapped at her as something was slapped in front of him by a man with pink hair, Marluxia.

"Incase you get bored, it's a present." Marluxia turned away with his cool dimenor that Axel never really liked, but then again he never liked anyone really. He only liked Roxas.

"The fuck is this?" Axel asked pushing it on the small table that was given to him for his meals and other small things. Picking up the small booklet he glared, it was a book of fairies for a five year old girl.

"Because you have a problem with your head," Marluxia began, "I know you can't be around bright lights, listen to music, watch TV or anything related, so enjoy the booklet."

"You ass…" Axel glared as Larxene seemed to be enjoying this. She snickered in a corner of the room eating some cookies that came with his little tray of what was suppose to be food but he wasn't hungry.

"I have some cards; they are for Uno if you want to play." Luxord, the one with the goatee offered pulling a new pack from his pocket.

"I don't want any fucking cards." Axel snapped at him narrowing his eyes at the others. "Why are you even here?" he asked, "You guys don't give a damn about me."

"Aw Axey that's not true." Larxene said looking at him, "besides you really fucked up this time, how could we not see you?"

A nurse came in at the moment she said that; she was quiet walking up to Axel. In her hand she had two pills and a glass offering them to Axel. Axel looked at the pills and snorted popping them in his mouth and gulping from the glass. He didn't need anymore trouble. Closing his eyes he sighed.

"Why don't all of you just get out?" he asked pushing everyone away, "I need sleep…"

Marluxia was quiet as he looked at the table next to the bed, "who brought you that tiger lily?" he asked walking to the flower and observing it.

"Get rid of that thing." Axel said, "Namine brought it, she was here when I wok up."

"Maybe she likes you," Larxene said, "she always did have an eye on you." Her tone wasn't serious; it was twisted as if to mess with Axel.

"Get the fuck out." Axel said, "if I wanted the circus here and there ugliest members I would have asked. Tell them their gorilla Larxene ran away and is now trying to make herself feel better by eating her weight in cookies getting fat."

Larxene glared at Axel and pushed her sleeves up heading toward the bed but at that moment a police officer came in. He was wearing a badge that said Xaldin. His hair was dark and pulled back.

"Good after noon." Xaldin said looking around the room, "Axel I need to ask you a few questions." Looking to the others he was quiet watching with his purple eyes.

"Come on, we should leave them to their business." Luxord said feeling his stomach growl. Leaving the cards behind Marluxia looked to Larxene who game him a look at followed silently.

"Good bye hot head." She said walking out of the door with the other two.

For a moment Axel closed his eyes and sighed feeling the emptiness that rested inside him as if everything was carved out and his chest was left hallow. He almost wished that a vulture or something would come feed on his remains, maybe kill him.

"Your name is Axel correct?" Xaldin asked writing on a pad, he had an impassive look on his face as if he didn't was to be in the hospital either.

"Yes" Axel said looking to the door knowing that Vexen would be back soon.

"And you were driving?" Xaldin asked.

"Yes, I was driving, in fact I wasn't even wearing a seat belt." He snapped hiding behind a rough exterior but all he wasted to do was lay back and be forgotten about.

"Hmph" Xaldin wrote down what he was told and looked over Axel. "Were you intoxicated?"

"No, I was drunk off water." His sarcasm lashed out making Xaldin glare at him. Just because Xaldin was a cop didn't mean he didn't hurt people.

"I am sorry drama queen; I didn't know the world revolved around only you and your problems." His tongue was sharp making Axel glare but he didn't say much else except the questions he had to answer.

"Are you aware that you can go to jail for a long time over this?" Xaldin asked, "you can waste your life rotting away in a cell?"

Axel humped, "No one died," he said.

Xaldin looked at Axel and grunted, "The driver didn't die, doesn't mean no one else was in the car. The car that you collided with, the car that drove into you but you ignored a stop light had a young girl in there that is dead. Her name was Xion."

For a moment Axel's eyes widened, he knew Xion, he knew she had a soccer game that day. "Oh god." he said quietly choking on the word. It seemed the world froze for a moment, two of his friends were gone, and it was partly his fault.

"You can be charged with murder or man slaughter, a DUI, speeding, wreckless driving… endangerment of lives, is this something you want on your record? Is this something that you can to have to carry the rest of your life?" Xaldin's tone was serious as Axel breathed and looked to him.

"I don't have a life to live for." He said, "I already carry around an 'X'."

His old name was Lea, until he changed it, so did his friend Saix, he changed his name too. Staring at the ceiling Axel was quiet not knowing what to do as his thoughts took over him. The room was dark and it had been a long while since visitors have come as the sky was covered in a sheet of black. Hearing the cleaning crew Axel wanted to wrinkle his nose, how much more sterile does the place have to be? Looking over to the fairy book he was quiet, inside was Tinkerbell and other fairies. He had known that Tink had become famous and now had her own movies and her own clothing line. In high school they never talked much, but she was always dramatic, her face turning red when she got mad. Those were old days however.

"Are you awake?" Someone asked in the darkness of the room, a small light that broke through the darkness peaked in. The nurse from earlier was quiet.

"Yeah…" Axel said turning his head, "It's 2:30 am and I can't sleep. 2:30 am and I am stuck here when I could be somewhere else in the next life. Axel had ignored who the nurse was for the longest time, her brown hair and her eyes, it was Kairi, ironically Sora's girlfriend, but she dumped his ass after finding out he cheated on her with Namine. She cheated on Roxas with his twin brother, and that's what started these events.

"What do you want?" Axel asked not snapping at her like most everyone else.

"I have some stuff here, to help you sleep if you want it, Vexen approved it." She smiled trying to lighten the atmosphere that seemed to be so dark, but it wasn't the night that made it dark.

"Might as well… Sleep is better then being here, but I don't dream, my heart is not in it." Axel sat up slowly taking the pills that were held out to him and the glass. In one shot he took them swallowing them and handing the cup back. "Thanks Kiari…" it was quiet but it was a small thank you none the less.

Kairi nodded standing still and looking to the Lily, "who brought that for you?" she asked, "I didn't see Marluxia, Larxene or Luxord with it."

Axel looked to the flower and glared, "Namine…" he said.

"Oh." Kairi was quiet, Namine was her friend but right now they didn't speak. They only saw each other when necessary.

"Yeah" Axel said closing his eyes after a few minuets, he could feel himself drift into a sleep.

"Axel?" Kairi asked before he was gone entirely.

"What?" he asked peaking his eye left eye open.

"It's going to be okay." She said and Axel nodded loosing the waking world.

I know… dramatic and things.

I like it. So what do you think?


	3. Chapter 3: Demyx

Breath is back…. Yes I know I haven't updated… I was taking care of things and I have a story which needs looking at and unfortunately I think I am a terrible writer.

This is just crap right now… anyway let us see what is going on here in the new life of Axel and friends.

"Axel?"

_What? Who is calling my name? _Axel's voice was quiet in his mind as someone called him from his sleep. _Five more minuets…_ but then he remembered where he was, and then the pit in his stomach dropped twisting into a knot. _Vexen…_

"Time to wake up, hot head." The doctor or what seemed to be mad scientist said as Axel's eyes opened blinking away the glazed look of sleep. Turning his head to the side, the red-head looked to the lily, the one left by Namine.

"Welcome back to the living world, for a moment I thought you were dead." His cold eyes made Axel crazy; it was people like him that reminded Axel about how the world was. Practically everyone was heartless.

"I guess I would be better off dead, and then you wouldn't have to worry about me anymore." Axel spoke with a cold tone as he pushed himself up, something was different today, "but then again, who would be the one to come in and visit you? I mean it's not like you have a girlfriend."

The blonde's eyes narrowed and if looks could kill Axel would have been struck dead.

"Very funny, but remember I have the needles."

Axel's smirk went away at that remark, nothing really new to that.

It was raining today, the coolness like always in this dark city, and Axel was stuck in it and boy did he hate rain. There was a thick silence that fell over the two, Vexen tucked himself in the corner scribbling down something on the beat up clip board that had seen better days and Axel just swung his legs over the side of the bed. It had been a few days, from what Axel thought it was weeks and already he had papers he was signing and somehow he managed to not go to jail and now he was waiting to just go home but Vexen wanted to keep him under some watch before that. Or he just liked to bother Axel which is what Axel thought.

The ticking of the clock had brought Axel back to the room and to the situation.

"Axel!" Vexen half yelled.

"What?"

"I called you five times! I want to know how your pain level is." Vexen stepped over; his tall slim body was almost bony making him look creepier.

"What? I feel fine…" Axel spat almost, "is that is?"

Vexen glared for a second before sighing and coming closer, "I know what you are doing, and it isn't going to work on me." His tone became quieter, "Pushing everyone away won't solve your problems, and it won't help this case."

Axel glared, and it was met by Vexen, and Axel knew he was right but he hated to admit it.

Axel hated to be wrong.

"I will be around… I want to try and get you gone by the end of today. I want you to see a professional about your mental state, and well you know the rest." Vexen looked around for a few seconds, "I will send in your visitors when they come, we had gotten some phone call earlier from some one named Demyx."

From the look that crossed Axel's face Vexen knew he didn't favor the kid, hell the kid was a little naive sounding over the line as some sitar music was playing in the background.

"Have a good day."

Axel watched the blonde leave as soon as he usually came and suddenly the feeling of loneliness settled in making him think of Roxas.

_God, can't a guy catch a break?_

That is what his mind said, but not what his twisted insides said.

Once again the red-head was left to the sound of the clock.

"I hope things are alright, I mean the place is a little small but it should work." Demyx was one of the people in Axel's life that never seemed to run out of energy, and he never seemed to really see the whole situation. Too make matters worse Axel couldn't exactly leave either, he was stuck on house arrest.

"Uh yeah, this should be fine…" Axel leaned against the wall watching Xaldin set the limit, only five feet from the front and back door, Christ he couldn't even go to the mail box.

Demyx smiled as he moved about, he was on his own and going to school like a 'good' boy, he kept his place clean, enjoyed his music and from what Axel could tell wasn't exactly up to date with style when it came to his cloths or hair. Only Demyx could pull off that mullet as good as that. "I will take you to therapy and anything else really depends on the rules!" For a moment Axel's green eyes met Demyx's blue and Axel swore he could see something in there that looked like sympathy.

Xaldin grunted bringing both Axel and Demyx back, he was quiet for a cop and quite short tempered. Axel never got why he was the only cop with dreadlocks and side burns as thick as they were but he never bothered asking considering he heard a rumor that Xaldin liked knives.

It was quiet for a moment, the only sounds the clicking from that box, and Demyx opening a door to what was suppose to be Axel's room, it was clean but too bare.

"Alright!" Xaldin said pushing himself off of his knees, "This thing here is set so when you leave the barrier after 30 seconds of being out of it you will feel shocks and then the cops will come to arrest you. You have the right to go to church, and you are allowed to go to therapy, as I already explained this in the hospital." In a way Axel kind of liked Xaldin, he was to the point and didn't like wasting time. "If there is a problem, well use your head and if you get hurt then it's your problem." Xaldin looked between the just barely adults, it seemed like he was waiting for something.

"Can I ask you a few questions?" Demyx asked with a smile across his face. Before Axel could really say anything the cop and the mullet walked to the kitchen leaving Axel by the door alone and too his own devices.

_At least he has an ok taste in colors, kinda makes me think about Roxas's place…_ Axel looked remembering Roxas saying something about Demyx a while ago, but he couldn't recall as he walked into his new room. The walls were white; the bed was tucked in a corner by the window which was covered with a red curtain. The dresser was on the other side by the closet and that was really it. Simple, unlike Axel's current mind.

The wood floor creaked a little when Axel stepped in, his boots worn, he was warring some cloths that Demyx brought for him from his own place which was now probably being picked through by his 'friends'.

_Now what?_ Was all that Axel could ask himself as his sat down on the cold bed, it creaked slightly but it was a spring mattress with blue and green bed spread. His hand slowly went over the cotton material as if observing it but his eyes were as blank as his expression. He felt like a kid who just got in trouble and Demyx was his parent, but not really.

The ringing in his ears were only the beginning of his noticed discomfort, besides the pain killers he was on. He wanted some morphine and that is what hospitals could be thanked for. Go in injured; come out addicted to some drug. It was defiantly some trip.

"Thanks for everything!" Demyx's voice broke the silence which had been becoming too often. Axel listened as the door slammed shut, signaling Xaldin was gone and oh boy Demyx was going to come in. Axel listened for the shuffling for a moment before it seemed Demyx remembered. The boy stepped in with his worn out jeans white sneakers and sweat shirt.

"I know it is bare, but I can always go get some of your stuff, some cloths even." Demyx finally said.

"Yea, thanks."

And it was awkward again. The ride in the car wasn't great either.

"I don't have a lot of food, I usually order a pizza or something," Demyx stood with his instrument in hand, it was shaped odd and was blue, it had many strings.

"Nice sitar." Axel said quietly nodding his head in its direction.

"Thanks." Demyx replied and after a few moments silence he left the room before returning quickly, "if there is anything you want from your place or from the store just add to the list on the counter, I'll take care of it." And then he was gone.

And then silence.

It had taken a while for Axel to settle, new place, new smells and new noises. Demyx lived next to a few kids, and he had apparently gotten this small place a year ago when he moved out from his grandparents and decided to be on his own. The lucky kid had gotten help in buying it and now he went to school part time and had a small job, with help from his grandparents who tucked some money away from him when he was young. The kid was lucky, but even Axel knew there was a darker side, like why didn't Demyx live with his parents? But it was better left alone.

Axel had already claimed a place on the sofa, it was old, maybe from a garage sale and nothing really matched, a dark green sofa, a red recliner and a glass coffee table which had some magazines on it and what ever mail that was not his own. The Tv was small and nothing was really on, just a normal Saturday night with crappy movies, the news and some shit cartoons that kids these days watched. It was almost normal.

"If you have any shows you want to record, just look on guide, my serive isn't too great but it is better then basic cable and fuzz. The DVD collection is on the book shelf, and there are some old VHS that I kept." Demyx was everywhere is seemed but he was just setting things and Axel wasn't used to him being around anyway, hi senses were going crazy.

"Alright." Axel called as he put his feet up and flipped through the channels again like he hadn't even looked.

It was quiet for a second until the phone rang; it was a house phone of all things.

"I got it!" Demyx yelled from the kitchen as a cabinet shut, "hello?"

Axel turned the volume of the TV down to listen.

"Hey Larxene…" Demyx's voice sounded dragged when he said the woman's name, "Yeah, he is here, just chilling while I set things up a little different…" he covered the phone piece and walked into the living room, "wanna talk to Larxene?"

Axel shook his head and Demyx returned to the call.

"Not right now, he is about to get into the shower… yeah I will tell him…bye." The phone beeped when Demyx clicked the button, "she wants' to talk to you, she didn't say about what."

"Alright…" Axel replied, "I'll just call her later… can't be that important." He sighed moving over a little as the green bars on the TV went up from 10 to 11 to 12 and continued.

"I am going to order some Chinese food, you hungry?" Demyx asked with phone still in hand.

"Uh… anything spicy… sea food," Axel looked off, he just wanted Demyx to go away but at the same time he wanted someone there, it was a war that confused him.

"Sure," the young man said dialing, but his voice was already apart of the background when Axel moved to sift through the DVD's and look around.

Axel always though that Demyx's place would be different, he didn't expect the walls to be so white and the furniture to be so mixed matched and so little, he must have never really been home and this place didn't really feel like home.

_At least he has some good movies… _Axel thought as he pushed them over one by one, he had one or two horror, Batman, some adventure and to Axel's surprise some cartoons and a few home movies that were marked. There was a picture or two sitting, one of Demyx and some friends and he had that stupid smile, some picture of an old man and some old woman. This place seemed more like a shell with some hints of a life, but Axel remembered one time when Demyx said something dark and it reminded him that even someone like Demyx wasn't always what they seemed.

It wasn't long before a knock came to the door, and then the ringing of the door bell. Axel looked over but before he could call Demyx the kid was already there, he was counting some dollar bills as he reached for the door handle and twisting it.

"Hello" he greeted the man at the door with a bag.

"That will be $17.50…" the kid at the door looked like some kid that hung out with Sora, silver hair, dark eyes and blue jeans, Riku was it?

"Yea, here" Demyx took the bag and placed it on the floor beside the stairs, "Keep the change."

"Thanks have a good night." The kid said without smiling.

"You too," After a moment the door was closed and the smell of hot food entered the room making it smell like eggrolls.

Axel didn't say much as she followed Demyx into the kitchen without word, it wasn't like they were best friends; they were barely even friends if you could say that.

The kitchen was plane but the walls here were an off shade of yellow, the table was square and wood, with four wooden chairs, the basement door by the table, the sink on one side and the cabinets and everything by there. It was small, even the outside was small. The backdoor has a shade over it, along with the window over the sink and by the table. The floor was tiled and this kitchen in all truth was like some smoker used to live there.

Before Axel said anything Demyx placed the bag on the table, "Silverware is the top drawer next to the stove," he was already taking out two cups, "soda?"

"Yeah," Axel replied, he didn't make much noise as he got the silverware and placed the two forks on the table. He looked inside the bag and could see there were chop sticks two pairs but he didn't know if Demyx used them.

Demyx handed Axel a glass of coke-a-cola, the cup was green and plastic. Demyx took his own seat across from Axel and didn't exactly wait for the red-head, who seemed to be so distant, and there wasn't really much to say, but he never really lost that smile or that goofy way about him.

They ate in mostly silence, after a few minuets Demyx tried to talk to Axel but was met by shorts answers or just blatant silence. It was hard but Demyx was sure he could help, after all that is why he opened his home, or so he thought.

"Have you ever heard the joke about the-"

"I am not really in the mood for jokes."

"Oh… well, did you think about what I said earlier?"

"I a little…"

"Cool, just wondering."

"Yeah."

And that was it, even if it was a little conversation it happened. It made Demyx feel better then listening to silence and Axel was quiet but he wasn't alone.

And for a moment it was like Roxas didn't die and Axel wasn't on house arrest.

But life wasn't fair and Axel knew this.


	4. Chapter 4: Therapy

Breathe Chapter 4 

I know I introduced quite a few characters, but it will pull together in the rest of the story, I promise.

Axel grunted as he pushed open the double doors after hearing the loud buzzing noise. His head was low keeping his ears warm from the chilling almost winter air, Demyx did the same, but he kept his turtle neck over his red nose. It was therapy session number one and already Axel felt like he clamed up from the inside out.

The doors slammed shut locking in place automatically; the walls around them were white, the floor tiles blue and green. It was an old hospital, used to be St. Joseph or something that no one really remembered, now it was just dubbed as the place for drug attics and lost causes almost like a last step program, only Axel wasn't a drug attic.

"This place seems… ok" Demyx broke the silence between them as he looked at a sign on the wall that pointed to different halls. The blue sign looked old and faded it had an arrow pointing left to the elevators, left to the lunch room, right to exit and a few other ways that were probably before it was converted back. Under the words it had the Spanish translation and something else.

Axel looked over to Demyx without saying anything; he glanced at the sign and turned left to go to the lobby. Sticking his hands deep into his pockets he left Demyx trailing him. Under his eyes were bags from a week of interrupted sleep. He pushed open another set of doors with his shoulder and stepped onto the lobby's carpet. From the receptionist's desk what looked like a boy gazed up from the sudden disturbance. The boy looked like his own piece of work from where Axel was when he stood in front of him. On the name tag it read Zexion.

"Hello," Zexion greeted, in his hands were on a black book, "how may I…. help you…." The last part sounded almost grumbled like he wanted to get out of this place.

Demyx soon pushed through the door, his curious eyes looking around to get in everything around him, from the white walls, to the glass windows to the plastic chairs and old magazines. He walked up behind Axel smiling at Zexion. Zexion glared at him just as Axel spoke.

"Here for an appointment with Lexaeus…"

Zexion sighed as his book slammed shut and was placed on the desk. He pushed away on his chair to the computer screen. His almost grey hair was covering on e of his eyes as she slummed entering a password and scrolling, "Name?" he more demanded then asked.

"Axel…." Axel replied playing with some sorry excuse for a squish toy on the desk, a smiling sun with pop out eyes defiantly didn't fit Zexion's attitude.

Zexion 'hmmed' as he looked and clicked something, "he will be with you in a moment," he pushed away from the computer and successfully snatched the sun from Axel and his stapler from Demyx who managed to hurt himself. "Have a seat."

Demyx looked at this thumb as he backed up, "thanks Zexion!"

Axel was quiet as he slumped down; he sunk into the chair keeping his eyes on the clock. He knew later Larxene was coming over with Marluxia for reasons unknown. Demyx said some company would be nice, but those two were anything but nice. His eyes traveled back to Zexion, the grump that picked up his book again and stuffed his face into it like he was trying to get out of here and into the book. His dark cloths didn't make him seem any less anti-social then he seemed to be.

"I can practically feel your eyes on me. Look anywhere else." He said. Axel huffed and looked away to the other chairs. Looking back to Demyx the kid was sitting on the back of one of the chairs, pretending to play the Sitar. His fingers in the air with his eyes closed. It was overly quiet besides the sound of breathing and the foot steps that came down one of the halls.

"He is here." Zexion said as a muscular man entered the lobby. The man stopped, he wasn't wearing a name tag like Zexion, but he was dressed just as professionally. Axel pushed himself out of the chair.

"Hello" the man said, "My name is Lexaeus." His features were chiseled and he already wasn't a man of many words.

"Axel…" Axel replied with Demyx following to introduce himself with the spunk that never ended.

Axel already knew he was going to hate this.

"What time will you be done?" Demyx asked as he shook Lexaeus's hand.

"Should be in forty-five minuets, which is the average unless it is an emergency or something is arranged." Zexion cut in as someone else came into the lobby followed by a few others.

"How are you feeling?" Lexaeus asked as the door to the office door closed. Already this day had felt like forever, it was 8:30 a.m. and Axel felt like he's been awake for hours, running on coffee. Axel sat in a chair by the window. He didn't feel like talking but he knew he had to talk eventually or he would only make matters worse. _I can just talk without really saying anything… maybe he will listen without hearing._

"Fine." He said gazing around the room a little. The desk was clean and neat with a few pictures of some people. They look friendly enough, some even had a few notes on them saying things like 'Thanks for the helps Lexaeus! Love Jenna' or 'have a great summer! Signed Josh, Lexaeus nodded and sat across from Axel in a chair similar to Zexion's. Axel looked to the man and simply looked on to some posters that were brightly colored.

"So, where should we begin?" Lexaeus asked Axel.

"How am I supposed to know? You're the therapist." Axel saw the movies and it simply sounded too generic, even cliché.

"Do you find something amusing about this situation Axel?" He asked the redhead. A file was resting on the desk, a manila folder that said confidential on the front. Lexaeus thumbed through it quick, he had already seen it, but he needed something. He could already see that Talking to Axel would be like pulling teeth.

"Not really," He snorted, "I just feel ridiculous I don't even want to be here, I know what I did… I know what happened." He said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well, not many people want to be in therapy Axel, but when people come here, it is because they need to be." Lexaeus looked over quietly, _Find a common ground…_ he thought as he went quiet for a few minuets.

"Well, my case is more required than needed." Axel said breaking the strange silence.

"Then why were you drunk the night of the accident? With everything that has happened before hand, it seems as though this is what you need the most." Lexaeus stated. Axel tensed. He knew the accident would come up but he didn't think it would come so abruptly. He glared for a second but he blinked it away recovering with no expression.

Lexaeus was quiet, he wasn't a jerk about what he said, he was just getting his point across but the same knowledge was there, pulling teeth.

Axel didn't say anything; he sat back and crossed his arms over his chest, impassive body language. "So," he said, "why are you a therapist?"

"I want to help people, when they mess up and don't know where to go or what to do, I help them." Lexaeus replied as he tapped his foot on the ground, "what type of music do you like?" he shot back before Axel could fire another question or a smart ass remark that he could see was cooking by the looks of that smirk he had going on.

_Is he really going to pull this?_ Axel looked up at muscle man knowing it was going to be from here asking why and how he connects with the music and then get to his…. Feelings.

"I like all kinds." Axel answered as he looked over picking something off the desk. It was another stress toy with the eyes that pop out when squeezed.

"Anything specific?" Lexaeus asked placing his finger together.

"I like rock, music with a fast pace," Axel looked up, "what about you? What music do you like?"

Lexaeus looked to the clock, it had already been a while and he had gotten that this wasn't going to be easy. Axel wasn't like the ones who didn't talk and just suddenly broke down, he wasn't the angry psycho path who wanted to kill everyone, and he wasn't even the joke cracker that was actually a fragile mess that is suicidal. He was Axel, the one who had a history.

"I like music that has a good beat, some country, some alternative," his eyes went back to Axel, "How have the two weeks been so far? See anyone you like or dislike?"

Axel grunted, "I have seen no one important."

Lexaeus reached across his desk and scribbled something down given the reaction that was just given and he wrote down some music.

"How is living with Demyx?"

"It is alright," Axel put he toy back and looked to the clock counting the minuets, only about fifteen minuets left.

"So it is working out well?" Lexaeus nodded.

"Yeah," Axel said looking to the posters again. He didn't say anything more as the room feel silent again and Axel couldn't help but feel a strange loneliness set in despite Lexaeus and others that were recently around him.

Lexaeus looked over without saying anything, he watched Axel trying to get something off of him but he didn't change, "I think here would be a place to stop for today." Lexaeus watched as Axel lifted his head, "how about next week same time?"

Axel shook his head, "have anything later in the day? Demyx said it would be more convenient. What about Five?"

"That is fine with me," Lexaeus turned to his computer and started typing to set the appointment. When he was done he looked at Axel and stood. Axel did the same and waited to be let out of the room.

They didn't speak to each other as they walked down the hall, both were quiet. They passed some rooms with some doors, from behind one it was clear that two people were fighting.

"Family session…." Lexaeus said as Axel looked back to the door, "some of the cases are from social services and they try to keep families together but it doesn't always work."

Axel didn't nod or say anything as they made there was down the halls, it was like a maze if you got lost.

When they both met the lobby carpet Demyx had stood up waiting for Axel to come back, in one hand he had a bag from some fast food restaurant and in the other a cardboard tray with two beverages that looked like coffee.

"Hey Axel!" Demyx smiled walking up to them both and handing Axel a coffee, "I went to get something while you were in there since we didn't eat anything this morning."

Axel took the coffee; "thanks" she said looking over at Zexion who was talking to Lexaeus about appointment times. The coffee filled the room with its unmistakable strong aroma,

"We set a time, so we just need an appointment card." Axel pressed the hot coffee to his lips, unlike Demyx who blew on it many times before attempting to sip the creamy looking concoction with too much sugar.

_'In other news, the governor Xamnes has some interesting plans for the city of Never Was' _the radio announcement lightly buzzed in the background as Demyx drove down the road. An all consuming silence engulfed the car leaving the duo to what the radio had said.

"How did it go?" Demyx asked almost unsure of Axel, out of the corner of his eye he could see Axel staring out the window as if deep in thought.

"Fine." Axel's red hair had bounced slightly over the pot hole in the road.

There was nothing else to converse about besides the fact that two 'friends' were coming to visit once they both had settled back at the house and Axel was locked away again. His green eyes dropped from the darkening weather that approached the small vehicle.

Demyx hummed to himself quietly before pressing the button to cut the music and then there was nothing but the sound of rain and the hum of the engine.


End file.
